Gout is a disease that inflicts high uric acid types such as myself. The last time I had it was 3.5 yrs. ago and the first time +2 yrs. before that, too far apart to completely remember the oncoming symptoms so I could prepare for it but not too long certainly to forget the accompanying complete and excruciating pain.
So there I was immobile in bed from Monday Aug. 8, squirming in pain from every little movement. Even just lifting my foot and allowing gravity to pull at my ankle, the most stricken area, causes jolts of pain akin to hot slices of sharp glass ripping through your leg, till today, Aug. 12, barely hobbling on one foot and wheeling around on my surprisingly sturdy office chair.
The worst parts are the nights, when I didn’t want to wake the wife (who has suffered enough) but couldn’t help squirming about alternately rubbing my leg to try to find respite and looking for a comfortable position, either which just didn’t exist. Painkillers sadly, were the only solution and while I tried hard not to abuse it I may have taken one or two out of schedule just to find a way out.
Pain, especially the relentless and spectacular kind is incredibly sobering. Not that I needed any, considering my imperfect body gets enough pain in one way or another. Neither am I going to effect any particular lifestyle change. I don’t drink, smoke, eat tons of fatty foods or do enough bad things as it is. My body is just fucked up and this I’ve learned to accept.
What I mean is that pain breaks down life into its most basic, most important factors. In the midst of all that pain, just before you reach that horizon in your mind when you wonder if there’s any love out there left for you that could help you in this deep, dark hole you find yourself when you need it most, just before you take the drugs that’ll veg you out and take it away, you are reminded of what you most want out of life. So here’s what I got:
Fact: I love our new place. We just moved in a few weeks ago and even if I hadn’t stepped out the front door since Monday I still like being in it. This may not seem like a big deal but believe me after you invested so much time, effort and money on it, this IS A BIG THING.
Fact: I love watching basketball. I flip through the channels to find interesting stuff to divert my attention away from the pain and I keep ending up watching ball. I watch car restoration shows and I seem to like the auction and scavenger shows, but I still end up watching a lot of tennis and classic NBA games, FIBA – Europe, UAAP and of course the ongoing Jones Cup. Why is this important? Because as a writer it is important to choose which amongst the plethora of interesting things out there are most interesting to you because these are where your talents and efforts are best put forth. In other words this is where you will best shine. On any other topic you are just any ordinary writer not contributing anything others haven’t already contributed.
Fact: I love to write. I couldn’t wait to start writing this and I tried to but failed several times to reach out to a laptop and start typing, but just sitting up was painful let alone trying to focus. Most of the time I’d just fall asleep with thoughts forming into sentences in my head midstream.
Fact: I love my wife. Who in their right mind would actually wash me, feed me, hug me when I was cold and empty out a plastic bottle I used to pee in? Jesus Christ if you can find someone who can take care of you half as much as my wife would you’d be a raving lunatic not to think you’d already won the lotto 10x over without buying a ticket. She is walking, talking proof that there exists in this world love for losers out the deep end like me. My life is devoted to this person. Without her I am nothing.
And with that I will start writing about basketball more. Yes I started writing this with the goal of putting down on pixels my thoughts after several uninterrupted days of watching the game but ended up talking about how much I love my wife. I suppose that makes this whole post out of topic but who the fuck cares I needed to write about it anyway. I’ll get on topic soon enough. As for now, let this post be.