I came across an article the other day about how the UP Maroons have become so irrelevant that UP students and alumni don’t bother to care anymore, and that it has been suggested they should just give up Men’s Basketball altogether.
Now isn’t that brilliant? I mean, the sheer logic of it is so unbelievable, it just hits you like a ton of bricks. A ton of logical bricks. And you know while we’re at it, why not let’s brainstorm a few other things we should just give up as well!
Academics – Yeah you know, all those books and studying weighs on you doesn’t it? I mean, do we really need all of that? Of course if we give that up it means we won’t have any lawyers, doctors, engineers, not to mention just plain old graduates anymore, and we’d all revert back to living in trees. But isn’t that so much fun that hitting those books? Think about it!
The respect of your peers – Anytime someone questions your character, just play the ‘who cares what you think!‘ card, and pretend you don’t care! It’s easy. All you have to do, is really not care. About others, about yourself, and what you might do to affect the coming generation. It’s fun! Our politicians do it all the time and look how fat and happy they are!
The UAAP – Might as well add the NCAA, and even pro sports too! I mean, God forbid we’d want the other teams suffer the same fate, right? Winning teams like FEU and ADMU should be spared the ignonimy of having to go through a string of losses, and this early be told to stop immediately! It’s only for their own good.
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All of sports, altogether – Makes sense, right? I mean, if you suck at basketball, then why not give up the possibility of sucking at anything else, and give up all forms of athletic activity whatsoever! Brilliant, right? Don’t forget to say where you read this idea first.
A Philippine Republic – Maybe the Spanish will take us back. Or maybe we can just spread our legs and bend over for any superpower to just stick whatever they want where they want and we’d all just smile and like it. Saves us from having our own government and exercise rights, right? Freedom – shmeedom. Remember, it’s not too late to learn Chinese!
Self – respect – Why stop at just losing some basketball games? Why not go for broke and lose at every game, including your own opinion of yourself! Once you’ve done that you can take great pleasure at the fact you’ve hit rock bottom!
Breeding – Yeah you know, let’s just give up making more of us altogether. I mean, the world has seen enough Filipinos now, right? So let’s do everyone a favor and just stop getting knocked up, and let’s all just stop having families so that there won’t be a next generation. That has to help the environment too, right? Let’s start a trend!
Breathing – C’mon, admit it. I mean, it’s such a hassle, right? You need to breathe in and out everyday, all the time for the rest of your life. Aren’t we all tired by now? Just thinking of it makes me tired (sigh). Let’s just save us all the hassle and give it all up, right now!
And many, many more! Why, pray tell, must the human race even try given there’s a chance you won’t succeed? I mean, there is some pride in finally winning after losing so often, and it’s quite possible that the eventual victory will taste even sweeter, but screw that!
Everytime we come across adversity, let’s just all take the shorter and easier path all the time, everytime, and never have to waste our breath trying to do better! Give up! It’s the Filipino way.